Dom Porridge lyrics by The Doveridge Mafia - original song full text. Official Dom Porridge lyrics, 2022 version |
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The Doveridge Mafia – Dom Porridge lyrics
Joe: Porritt got his bollucks whacked in Pe
He was holding them all the way through Dt
Porritt has no mates and is a cunt
That is why he is called a runt
Porridge never comes out to play
Porritt stays at home, scared to look away
Porridge is always getting older
And soon his hair will get much, much balder

Rob: We have always hated Tom and called him a bitch
Everytime he walks on to the pitch, He will ripped apart by Marcus Coombs
He wears size 4 shoes like a runt
And will always lose in Wembo like a big cunt

Watto: Tom Porritt
Wealdstone raider: You've got no fans, You've got no fans

Randy: Porritt, the runt, won't last the whole winter
I liked Hamish's mum, so I shagged her
All Tom wants to do is play some Football
Even tho he can do fuck all
When he's angry, fellow runts he will summon
He knows he will never have sex with a women
However Dom dosen't care anyway
For the rest of his life he wants to be gay

Tom: There is a group in Doveridge called The Runts
They are cunts
They sit there all day waiting to be helped
But no, that's the lift a runt
A little Cunt

Alan Partridge: Oh well this is great banter, it really is

Matty: He comes on the pitch
Asking for assistance
Contributing nothing
And offering runty little resistance
Communicating in grunts
And high pitch squeals
That make you want to puke up your meals
He is about 3 foot 5 tall
And is weak and loses every brawl
Toms a runt and although he won't admit it
Porridge really is a little shit

Ben: A runt like Porritt has no friends
And will continue to until his life ends
A runt will get beaten up everyday
And isn't worth any of my first aid
Porridge is always scared and will always hide
Don't expect him to put up a fight

George: The puney runts are ropey
And act hard, like a stokie
The runty ropey breeders
Scurry off to the artroom
Getting runted off the ball
By the bigguns, that are far more tall

Howard: I know a runt
Who acts like a cunt
His name is Tom Porritt
And he's the size of a Hobbitt
And there he is the little fucker
Sitting down and eating pucka... pies
With the intention and contention
To be bigger and stronger and higher
Not smaller
As a birthday treat his mrs let him stick it up who counthole
It did not work so tried to put it in the mouthhole
She cried a blead but Porritt laughed
And said no more, I'll slap a whore
And go home with the back door behind my ass hole

Phillipa: What do you want in your sandwiches
Rob Bradley: Porrrrrrrrriiiiiittttttttttttttt

Phillipa: Porritt joined us for a 3 hour sandwich

Phillipa: Daddy Porritt hurt me
Rob Bradley: Porrrrriiiiittttttt I said poooooorrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiitttttt

O.T Genesis: I'm in love with the...
Reado: Runt

Lyrics taken from /lyrics/t/the_doveridge_mafia/dom_porridge.html

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