Songdrops – The (Not Exactly) Nursery Rhyme Song lyrics

Hickory dickory dock.
The mouse ran up the clock.
So did the cat,
And that was that,
'Til the mouse put it in a headlock.

Jack and Jill,
Went up the hill,
To fetch a pail of water.
At the top was her dad,
Who seemed pretty mad,
And said, "Jack, stay away from my daughter!".

Little Bo Peep,
Has lost her sheep,
And doesn't know where to find them.
Hey, there they are driving off in her car,
And the sheepdogs are driving behind them.

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick.
Jack jump over the candlestick,
But if you don't jump a little higher,
Don't blame the flame if your pants are on fire.

Little Miss Muffet,
Sat on a tuffet,
I don't know what that means.
Along came a spider,
Who sat down beside her.
Is it true there's a fly in most jeans?

Hey diddle diddle.
The cat and the fiddle.
The cow jumped over the moon.
But he had to piddle,
Right in the middle,
And now the poor moon is in ruin.

Old Mother Hubbard,
Went to the cupboard,
To get her poor doggie a bone.
She slipped on a crack,
Landed flat on her back,
And sadly broke three of her own.

Baa baa, black sheep, have you any wool?
Yes, sir, yes, sir, three bags full.
Three bags full?! That's quite a lot!
They're just teabags, so it's really not.

Star light,
Star bright,
First star I see tonight.
Oops, I'm wrong; that isn't in space.
It's my pet firefly right in front of my face.

Roses are red, violets are blue.
Just in case that's helpful to you,
But keep in mind,
If you look you'll find,
Half the time it's not even true.

Simple Simon,
Met a pie man,
Going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon,
To the pie man,
"Your pies give my dad too much air!".

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
I highly suspect that it isn't quite true,
Unless it was the size of a nice little house,
Or the woman was half of the size of a mouse.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King's horses and all the King's men,
Scrambled him up with some bacon and gin-ger ale.

Rain, rain, go away.
Come again another day.
Fine, ignore my kind request.
You're such a spoiled, annoying pest!

This little piggy went to market.
This little piggy stayed home.
This little piggy had roast beef,
At a five-star restaurant in Rome.

All around the mulberry bush, the monkey chased the weasel.
The weasel ran just as fast as it could, but the monkey drove a diesel.

Do you know the muffin man?
I think he took my muffin pan.
I saw it in his muffin van,
He's such a dreary pain.

I think that's probably long enough; at least that's my best guess.
You can't make the classics,
Much more fantastic,
But you can turn them into a mess.
You can't make the classics,
Much more fantastic,
But you can turn them into a mess.