Achmed The Dead Terrorist lyrics by Jeff Dunham - original song full text. Official Achmed The Dead Terrorist lyrics, 2024 version | LyricsMode.com
Request & respond explanations
  • Don't understand the meaning of the song?
  • Highlight lyrics and request an explanation.
  • Click on highlighted lyrics to explain.
Jeff Dunham – Achmed The Dead Terrorist lyrics
Jeff: Good evening Achmed
Achmed: Good evening... Infidel
Jeff: So you're a Terrorist?
Achmed: Yes... I am a Terrorist
Jeff: What kind of Terrorist?
Achmed: A terrifying... Terrorist
Achmed: Are you scared?
Jeff: Not really... No.
Achmed: Harrr... And now?
Jeff: Not really, no.
Achmed: Huhharrr... How bout now?
Jeff: No.
Achmed: God Dammit... Oh Oh, I I mean uh, Ala Dammit.
Achmed: silence! I kill you!
Jeff: So uh, Achmed...
Achmed: No no, it's Achmed.
Jeff: That's what I said...
Achmed: No you said Ukned, it's Achmed huchhuch huch huch huch huch...
Silence! I kill you!
Jeff: How do'ya spell it?
Achmed: What?
Jeff: How do you spell you name?
Achmed: Oh-uh... Lets see an A... C... Flem... Silence! I kill you!
Jeff: So Achmed, if you're a Terrorist... I would suppose you have some sort of specialty.
Achmed: Yesss... I am a Suicide Bomber.
Jeff: Ahh... So you're finished?
Achmed: What?
Jeff: yo-you've done your job?
Achmed: No I haven't
Jeff: But you're dead.
Achmed: No I'm not, I feel fine!
Jeff: But you're all bone
Achmed: It's a flesh wound... Silence! I kill you! What the hell happened to my feet? Son of a bitch? What the hell? Oh wait a minute... What tha hell? What are you doin? Ok Stop it. Get off... What are you doing to me! Stop touching me! I Kill you!
Jeff: Al'right just hold on we'll fix this.
Achmed: ok wait what are you doing... Holy crap I'm in the air... Wait, wait, wait something is backward. Holy crap. I don't know what I'm doin. I need some ligaments.
Jeff: Just sit still...
Achmed: ok... I wil not move my ass
Walter: You idiot you don't have an ass

Achmed: Is that Walter?
Jeff: yea.
Achmed: He scares the crap out of me! Please don't put me back in the sinned suitcase.
Jeff: Why?
Achmed: He has gas...
Achmed: Sudan's Mustard gas is nothing compared to a Walter fart.
Walter: Ah. Hahahahahahhahahahahahhahaha

Achmed: I-It's not funny... He will kill us!
Jeff: Al-right... Listen uh... Achmed... I have something to tell you.
Achmed: What?
Jeff: You-you really are dead.
Achmed: Are are you sure?
Jeff: Yes.
Achmed: I just got my Flu shot.
Jeff: You really are dead.
Achmed: Wait. If I am dead... *Gasp... That means I get my 72 virgins *gasp... Are you my virgins? I hope not.
Jeff: Why?
Achmed: There's a bunch of ugly-ass guys out there.
Achmed: If this is paradise... I've been screwed!
Jeff: Well did they say it would only be, female, virgins?
Achmed: Holy Crap!
Achmed: Wait... I could have a Clay Aiken. Ahahahahahha. I told a jokech!
Jeff: Al'right so listen Achmed, so where did you come from?
Achmed: Your freaking suitcase. Ahahahahaha. I told another one.
Jeff: heh, look if you've been in my suitcase all this time... How have you been getting through security at the airports?
Achmed: Oh that's easy, they open the case and I go "ello! I am Lindsay Lohan!" haha... I-I told another Jokech! I can do this crap to'ch.
Achmed: Ok, here's another one... 2 Jews walk in a bar.
Jeff: No, no.
Achmed: What?
Jeff: no.
Achmed: What, you don't let Jews in your bar? You racist bastitd.
Jeff: What I mean is I don't want racist jokes in my act.
Achmed: Oh-ok, how 'bout if I kill the Jews?
Jeff: No.
Achmed: I'm kidding, I would not kill the Jews... No! I would toss a penny between them and watch them fight to the death! Ahahahhahaha! Yes-yes! I did the same thing with 2 Catholic Priests then I tossed in a small boy! Ahahahahaha. Haha yes-yes, and the winner had to fight Michael Jackson.
Jeff: youughhh!
Achmed: Ahahahaha.
Jeff: Achmed.
Achmed: what?
Jeff: Stop doing this.
Achmed: What?
Jeff: You can't tell jokes like that.
Achmed: Why not? I'm killing so to speak.
Jeff: Well you can't tell jokes like that.
Achmed: Why?
Jeff: It offends people.
Achmed: Oh I'm dead what do I care? What do you want me to do... Knock-knock jokesch?
Jeff: That would probably be better.
Achmed: Ok, Knock-knock...
Jeff: Whose there?
Achmed: Me! I kill you.

Jeff: So look, as a suicide bomber have you had training?
Achmed: Of course, we had the suicide bomber training camp.
Jeff: Ah, is that a nice facility?
Achmed: It used to be.
Jeff: What happened?
Achmed: New guy... The idiot tried to practice!
Jeff: And what did you guys learn from that?
Achmed: location, location, location.
Jeff: So you guys have any kind of motto?
Achmed: Like what?
Jeff: You know like, "We are looking for a few good men.
Achmed: Were looking for some idiots with no future.
Jeff: So where do you get your recruits?
Achmed: The suicide Hotline. Ahahahha... That was dark was it not?
Jeff: yea, so-uh what exactly happened to you?
Achmed: Hah?
Jeff: What happened?
Achmed: Oh, if you must know. I am a horrible suicide bomber!
Jeff: What happened?
Achmed: I had a preimature detonation. I set the timer for 30 minutes but it went off in 4 seconds!
Achmed: You know what that's like right? Mr. Hurrrriiccaanne...
Walter: ahahahhahahahaha
Jeff: So achmed, what exactly happened to you?
Achmed: Well, I was getting gasoline and I answered my cellphone.
Jeff: yea.
Achmed: Can you hear me now... Cunk. At first I thought it was because I went over my minutes.
Jeff: That's too bad.
Achmed: It's ok I took that Verizon bastard with me.
Jeff: So-uh, what's it like to die? Do you see a white light?
Achmed: If you're dumb enough to watch the explosion... Yes.
Jeff: No, I mean when some people die they see a white light. What did you see?
Achmed: I saw flying car parts...
Jeff: What was the last thing that went through you're mind?
Achmed: My ass. Ahahahhaha. Walter told me to tell that jokech.
Jeff: So you never saw a white light?
Achmed: No, but I saw a Blue Prius. Do you really have one of those vehicles?
Jeff: Yes.
Achmed: Ahahahhahahah! Ohh! That is not a car that's a lunch box.
Achmed: Did you know when you're going down the highway in a Prius that if you put your hand out the window, the vehicle will turn.
Jeff: You did all of this for a bunch of virgins?
Achmed: Are you kidding me? I'd kill you for a klondik bar.
Jeff: So I guess you're Muslim?
Achmed: I don't think so.
Jeff: You're not Muslim?
Achmed: No.
Jeff: Why?
Achmed: Look on my Ass, It says made in China.
Achmed: Walter says I'm just a stinkin' Halloween decoration. Ahahhahaha.
Jeff: So do you like being in D. C?
Achmed: I think some idiots must live there.
Jeff: Why?
Achmed: For example, the Washington monument.
Jeff: Yes?
Achmed: It looks nothing like the guy, it looks more like a tribute to Bill Clinton. Ahhahahhaha
Jeff: What do ya think of Bush?
Achmed: Ohhhhhhh, I love Buhh, Oh! You mean the president? I'm sorry.
×



Lyrics taken from /lyrics/j/jeff_dunham/achmed_the_dead_terrorist.html

  • Email
  • Correct
Corrected by Jrdsnw

Achmed The Dead Terrorist meanings

Write about your feelings and thoughts about Achmed The Dead Terrorist

Know what this song is about? Does it mean anything special hidden between the lines to you? Share your meaning with community, make it interesting and valuable. Make sure you've read our simple tips.
U
Min 50 words
Not bad
Good
Awesome!

Post meanings

U
Min 50 words
Not bad
Good
Awesome!

official video

Featured lyrics

0-9 A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z