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Hey I'm Santa Claus,
I'm the king of snow
I hate my wife because
She is a ho ho ho
She used to please me everyday
Then she made it clear
That Santa's only s'pose to come once year
Now I buy whores
Rock n roll
And I stuff their stockings
With my north pole

I had a wonderful life
With a healthy household
And a beautiful wife
And a pot full of gold
Then my wife spent my riches all by herself
And since women are bitches, blew a keebler elf
Now I drink all day
And a part of me dies
Cause my wife's gettin gangbanged
By the rice krispie guys

Everyday I wake up, and I get to work late,
My boss says "hey what'sup?"
I say I'm grrrrrrowing tired of this shit
The kids they laugh cause I'm a sensitive cat
"big pussy!" I can't argue with that
If another kid gives me frosted flakes
I swear on my life, I'll eat his parents.

I'm the easter bunny hey I'm back
Used to funny now I'm hooked on crack
Heaps of heroine aint no joke
Marshmallow peeps, covered in coke coke coke coke coke coke coke
Coooooke
Drugs for life that's my plan
But now I have no attention spaaaaaaaannnnnnnn

Hey pat did you hear? all my elves got sick
I think they got herpes from some irish chick

Mother fucker

Santa, tony, could you guys please stop?
Oh snap... crackle and pop



Lyrics taken from http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/b/bo_burnham/rehab_center_for_fictional_characters.html

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