Adam Sandler – The Buffoon And The Valedictorian lyrics
"And now the buffoon's date at the drive-in with the school's valedictorian."
[Valedictorian:] "I really appreciate you're asking me out.
Most people are intimidated by my high academic achievement."
[Buffoon:] "This movie sucks shit!"
[Valedictorian:] "Well, Ebel gave it thumbs up,
But Ciscel thought it was too preachy.
Anyway, I enjoyed the director's last film immensly."
[Buffoon:] "Cathleen Turner has big fuckin' tits!"
[Valedictorian:] "Yes, well, she recently had a child.
I think her maternal biology may play a role in that.
She looks fabulous for a woman her age, doesn't she?"
[Buffoon:] "I put a firecracker in a bullfrog's mouth and blew his fuckin' head off."
[Valedictorian:] "Well, in psychology we learned that it is not uncommon
For male adolescents to commit savage acts on animals as part of their maturing process."
[Buffoon:] "That girl in the fucking car in front of us, she gives everybody head."
[Valedictorian:] "Well, I guess she's strong for attention and she feels promiscuity is the only way to obtain it."
[Buffoon eating popcorn]
[Buffoon:] "This popcorn's fuckin' terrible. It tastes like someone jizzed all over it."
[Buffoon continues to eat popcorn]
[Valedictorian:] "Well the amount of semen on this popcorn is certainly disturbing.
Perhaps the staff in the refreshment stand was overcome
By the monotony of their work and decided to play a childish prank."
[Buffoon:] "I looked at my asshole in the mirror today. It blew my fuckin' mind!"
[Valedictorian:] "It's ironic that parts of one's body seems odd
And unusual because you don't see them on a day to day basis.
[Buffoon:] "My father's shit stinks up the bathroom all fuckin' day!"
[Valedictorian:] "It's puzzling why one person's fecal odor can be more overpowering than another's.
I wonder whether it is a function of the food digested or that person's internal metabolism."
[Buffoon:] "I'm gonna go get head from that fuckin' girl."
[Gets out of the car]
[Valedictorian:] "Well, I'm sorry to see the date come to such an abrubt conclusion."
[Buffoon walking away]
"I do appreciate the time you spent with me and look forward to a future rondevue."
[Buffoon:] "I like to piss in that guy's fuckin' gas tank!"
[Valedictorian:] "Bye bye! Have fun."
[Buffoon continues to walk away]
Lyrics taken from http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/a/adam_sandler/the_buffoon_and_the_valedictorian.html