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Cast of characters

GRAHAM, a teenager
MOTHER, a busy housewife
FATHER, a conservative husband
POLICEMAN, a young constable

SCENE: A kitchen in suburbia, one bright Saturday morning

ACT ONE

Narrator: The insect-headed worker-wife will hang her waspies on the
Line. Her husband burns his paper, sucks his pipe while studying
Their cushion-floor, his viscous poly-paste breath comes out. Their
Wall-paper world is shattered by his shout. A boy in blue is busy
Banging out a headache on the kitchen door. All the while Graham
Slept on, dreaming of a world where he could do just what he wanted
To.

Mother and Father (in unison): No thugs in our house, are there dear?
We made that clear, we made little Graham promise us he'd be a good
Boy. No thugs in our house, are there dear? We made that clear, we
Made little Graham promise us he'd be a good boy.

ACT TWO

Narrator: The young policeman who just can't grow a moustache will
Open up his book, and spoil their breakfast with reports of Asians who
Have been so badly kicked.

Policeman: Is this your son's wallet I've got here? He must have
Dropped it after too much beer!

Mother: Oh, officer, we can't believe our little angel is the one
You've picked.

Narrator: And all the while Graham slept on, dreaming of a world
Where he could do just what he wanted to.

Mother and Father (in unison): No thugs in our house, are there dear?
We made that clear, we made little Graham promise us he'd be a good
Boy. No thugs in our house, are there dear? We made that clear, we
Made little Graham promise us he'd be a good boy.

Narrator: They never read those pamphlets in his bottom drawer.

Policeman: They never read that tattoo on his arm.

Narrator: They thought that was just a boys club badge he wore.

Policeman: They never thought he'd do folks any harm.

ACT THREE

Narrator: The insect-headed worker-wife will hang her waspies on the
Line. She's singing something stale and simple now this business has
Fizzled out. Her little tune is such a happy song. Her son is
Innocent, he can't do wrong, 'cos Dad's a judge and knows exactly what
The job of judging's all about. And all the while Graham slept on,
Dreaming of a world where he could do just what he wanted to.

Mother and Father (in unison): No thugs in our house, are there dear?
We made that clear, we made little Graham promise us he'd be a good
Boy. No thugs in our house, are there dear? We made that clear, we
Made little Graham promise us he'd be a good boy.

Mother: No thugs in our house!

Father: No thugs in our house!

Complete cast (in unison): No thugs in our house, dear!

Set Design by Andy Partridge with co-ordination by Ken Ansell.
Stage and Scenery by Art Dragon



Lyrics taken from http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/x/xtc/no_thugs_in_our_house_a_musical_in_three_acts_by_xtc.html

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