Last Christmas I went up in niceville, for a little vacation, and ah, boy I love Shania Twain, boy I tell you what, she makes me hornier than a retard watchin' baywatch, but anyway I read her letter in the hotel room I had one of these nice fancy hotels, so I tried to seduce her and sent her this letter, this is my letter to Shania and she actually got this letter:
Your finer than hell, I'd eat your turds, you think I'm kiddin', I figured that charmer off the bat, I'd treat you like a prize winnin' hog and give you the run of my home stayed where I live down here, off the alagator infested lake, tell you what, they caught a big oh 16 foot long gator in that lake by me, dats right, where talkin' world record gator, tell me now you ain't got hard nipples, from our home stay, tell you what Shania, I ain't like them niceville pussy's, I'd treat you all the best things life had to offer, please call me, here, I'm stayin' at the chugg-a-lugg Inn, across from that big muffler joint, boy I got me one of them wigglin' beds, I tell you what if you want one I'll sperge and borrow you a couple of quarters, fifty cents will give ya almost 10 mintues of bed wigglin', you know vibratin', to let you know I mean business Shania bought datin' you know and to let ya know that, I ain't know lowlie hard up scumball, I even closed a couple of gifts in this fancy Chugg-a-lugg Inn hotel envolope, that's right there's a bunch of coupons for that fancy longjohn service restroom down the street, and let me tell you sumethin' and if don't ever use that one coupon that's in there for extra hushpuppies, send that son of a bitch back cause I might give that to my sister and her husband for there anniversary, there's also a reggan bumper sticker in there and a bunch of gritch and tits to get er done lick on tattoos, I had a made up special, I think your fine, now call me, don't call out tell one o'clock though cause I'm usually on the phone talkin' to one of them 900 talk dirty girls.
Love in Christ,
Larry the cable guy
Lyrics taken from http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/l/larry_the_cable_guy/a_letter_to_shania_twain.html