The Best Things In Life lyrics by Half Man Half Biscuit

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My Uncle Charlie is a cynical man
And his wifes a touch skeptical, too.
They've got one of those stickers
In the back of their van; it says:
We've seen the prices at the zoo.
Well today I knocked upon their door
And said that I was passing,
And charlie launched a scathing attack.
When I asked him what I'd done, he said
"You stupid bastard! We live in a cul-de-sac!"

Went to Dali's party; it was fancy dress.
I just stuck an apple in my face.
I saw a chap who obviously was out to impress,
Reckoned he'd beat Gagarin into space.
He said "Hi there boys!
Like I'm sorry I'm late!
But I was getting done up
As a mobile thrash acetate!"
Me, I got bored
So I went home,
Got into bed,
And came to the conclusion...

There is nothing better in life
Than writing on the sole of your slipper with a Birol
There is nothing better in life
Than writing on the sole of your slipper with a Biro
There is nothing better in life
Than writing on the sole of your slipper with a Biro
There is nothing better in life
Than writing on the sole of your slipper with a Biro
On a Saturday Night instead of going to a pub.

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