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L.L. Cool J Servin em well I AM - HARD - AS HELL And as you all know.. Woke up at 9:30 on a Saturday morn' Hemmed my remote control, turned my stereo on And the floor was kinda cold, so I put on my kicks Then I reached for a brush since I don't use the picks Walked to the kitchen and ate some cornflakes With hardcore - heavyweight - b-boy blast Connoisseur of hardcore, and Cut Creator's fast As I bop to a tape of Cut Creator's breaks So I stayed there a hour, cause I like it a lot Jumped in the shower, it was boiling hot Jumped out, dried off, put on the Denim cologne He told me 'bout a jam that I could do later on Then I called up Earl on the telephone 10 g's plus a limo for one strong song So I said, yeah, I was with it, hung up and got geared Rewound some tapes of some Def Jam tunes As I waited for this freak to ring my bell at noon Got a magnfying glass, then I brushed my beard 12 o'clock came, left the door crack The freak walked in, a mink on her back Put her curt on the rack, threw my ??? on Then I threw in a tape of the quiet storm We drank Roundhill Cavern, ate soft mignons My skin got pale, I wam-bammed the tail She said, "L.L., when you're gonna let me taste your tongue?" Did it so hard I shoulda went to jail She left, Earl came over and we went outside Jumped in the BM to bust a joyride Went up to A.J., in my fresh black wheel I'm not a sucker on the corner tryin to scrape up a meal The girlies want sex, the fellas try to plex But those who flex end up with broke necks Said, "It's L, baby, I ain't down with Chic" Signed some autographs for a posse of freaks Conversated with the skeezers for 10 minutes more Then I jumped in my ride and the freaks slammed the door Due cause I'm a gangster people think I do crimes Some smile, try to call L.L. a hoodlum at times They don't know I'm just a connoisseur of hip-hop rhymes But he don't know my autograph's on his wife's behind L.L. has iced all the washed up slobs Vigilante of rap, so to hell with the mob Don't run from the cops, makin suckers jock And I'm only 18 makin more than your pops Tormentor of toys and boyscout boys And I dare any critic to call it noise Peeped at the clock, it said 6:03 Said 'later' to Creator and broke out with E Went up to White Castle for a chocolate shake Thinkin 'bout a 100'000 that I'd soon make Finished up the snack, jumped up, out my seat Kicked a few lines, stepped out the door E-Love hit the table and he made up a beat Since tonight is a bore I'm in the mood for more We jumped in my ride, I took a peek at the time L.L. Cool J will soon stand at a jam It was almost 7:30 and the show was at nine With thousands of people screamin, "Touch my hand!" But since I had a hour plus a half for tat I was searchin for the cutie who's my perfect match Her name was Renee, her face was okay But she had the kinda body that made Jay wanna play I said, "No need to rehearse," then I made my approach Said, "You got a good team, girl, but you need a new coach" Said, "My name's L.L. - Cool, if I may introduce But I'm not here for conversation, I'm here to seduce Wanna mix it up, baby, wanna feel you grind Cause it ain't 5th grade, and these ain't nursery rhymes And I know that you adore my sure side hardcore Check out the real L.L. behind closed doors So tell your buddies you're busy, tell your boyfriend beat it Forget the silk dress,cause you ain't gonna need it Unplug your clock, do away with the light After five minutes or more you hear me say, 'That's right!' Your body is bad and I heard you got a Caddy When we make love you can call me daddy I'm L.L. Cool J, say hey, Renee Promise you I'm not wack when I'm in the sack I'm not a toyboy, but I still wanna play After that I leave you starvin for me to come back And the next time I see ya I'm goin to town" Stepped away from the freak, it was a quarter to nine But in the meantime, put your digits down When I rolled to the jam I saw the crew on line Took a trip around the side, so I could get backstage If you call me a tiger, then the stage is my cage I rip, stomp and crush, heavy metal bands rust Them flaky knuckleheads I crumble up like crust Walked in my dressing room, and then I heard four knocks They said, "L.L., you're runnin late and it'is time to rock" Told Cut Creator what the order would be Then I said "Lord have mercy" and slapped hands with E And that's the very moment I woke up from the dream Went onstage, I heard the girlies scream Aahh!



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