I Will Wait For My Change (Job 14) lyrics

Christians struggling with the grim realities of romans 7:14 long to show forth the new creature that we already are in christ jesus. Like job, we pray for our change to come.

I have been a christian for some 40 years and only now experience the core of my old nature in its full strength. Age and circumstances strip away the veneer of sociability, affability and superficial earnestness that i have offered my friends and family as my new creature. All they saw was a mask, a shade and shadow of the substance that god would yet see me put to his glory.

The root and substance of my old nature is fear. Not fear of something in particular: fear. I don't think my wife sees this fear; she sees the anger which this fear generates whenever some circumstance presses in upon the weakened strengths and skills of old age. Every new thing threatens to unmask me, does unman me and gives fear a long stifled voice in my affairs.

I wait for my change. For months now, i’ve sat on my emotional ash heap and scraped at my boils and heard this song in my heart. Quite unexpectedly, i read job fourteen a few moments ago and realized what lay before me: the lyrics to this song.

I should have the better of job. I know the plan to a degree to which job could hardly aspire. As i scrape, i long for my god to, at last, burn away the stinking corpse of the crucified and exposed old nature and his fetid fear. In the process, i know my mask has to fall, the old man's crypt must break and light needs to stream in past all my defenses.

Knowing nothing but this old man, i confused him with who i am. I thought cleaning him up, dressing him up and making him presentable to friends and family was the christian experience. I now know (and tremble) that the old nature's death must be announced, accepted and rejoiced over. Unfortunately, the funeral will be open casket! I wait for my change, for my experience of who i have been for forty years in christ jesus.

May my friends and family, my church and neighbors see something of the new creature that jesus sees when he turns his gaze upon me. This new creature already exists; i need to discover him, put him on and rejoice.

Sirrunciblespoon