Living With A Confidence lyrics

I look in the mirror, I see another face
Waiting for my end will be my painful race
My appearance has altered since I consulted my surgeon
He told me about my illness, will survive one season

Drinking is what I need to forget my daily sorrow
Sadness is forgotten, will feel better tomorrow
Living with a confidence will not be better
My body is going weaker, my walking is a stagger

Jesus, I beg of thee, redeem my endless pain
Forgive my sin and save my life, that's only what I need
I prayed to you, every night, is this your thank to me?
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/m/messiah/living_with_a_confidence.html ]
I know you made this illness and drove me insane
It's my intention to fight this battle against you
Truth and denomination destroyed my life
There exists only hate and rage in my head

Pictures of my childhood cross my brain all the time
Happiness was easy, there weren't evil minds
Sadness was a foreign word, I never felt better
I played with my friends, day in, day out

I've got a lot of thoughts about my future
My body's a piece of misery, I'm crippled like a creature
Perishing in my bed and watching children play
Shall I wait for my end, will this be the right way
My torment is getting stronger, suicide is my solution
Nobody will cry for me, they will treat me like a felon
Everybody has forsaken me, delivery is my knife
Will suicide be the way to search for a new life