Be-bop Tango (Of The Old Jazzmen's Church) Lyrics
FZ: Some of you may know that the tango, which is not a very popular dance anymore, was at one time reputed to be a dance of unbridled passion, back in the old days when it wasn't so easy to get your rocks off, when it was hard to make contact with a member of the . . . opposite camp, and you had to resort to things like dancing close together and going hey . . . Those were the days. Well, those days are probably gone forever, I don't know, unless Nixon is going to bring them back a little bit later, but, we have this very special highly evolved permutated tango. It's actually a perverted tango. By the time . . . Yes, it's so perverted! This is the "Be-Bop Tango," a special entertainment event that includes choreography a little bit later, so watch out, folks . . . You can turn on the big lights, we may need 'em. You know, the ones in the audience. Heh heh heh. Okay, you're ready? Not too fast now 'cause I wanna get the right notes on the tape 'n this, this has to be the one. This has to be the one with all the right notes on it. Okay, 're you ready? 'N this is a hard one to play . . . One, two, three, four . . .
FZ: The cowbell as a symbol of unbridled passion, ladies and gentlemen.
FZ: Now, as you might have noticed, Bruce Fowler has just completed some sort of trombone solo, based on the, uh, idea of an evolved tango-event. Bruce has also prepared for you a demonstration of a dance that he hopes will sweep the ocean, right after the Mud Shark did. Bruce is now warming up the important muscles of the body, in preparation . . . in preparation for the Real Live Be-Bop Tango which we're gonna demonstrate. Napoleon will assist him.
Napoleon: Wait a minute now . . .
FZ: Napoleon, just put your horn down, just relax, put your head back, here comes the drill. Okay, ha ha ha, you know what I'm talkin' about? Okay . . . This is sort of like JAZZ in it's own peculiar way . . . JAZZ IS NOT DEAD, IT JUST SMELLS FUNNY . . . Okay, let's go!
George: Yeah, man, JAZZ, man, you know what I mean?
This is Be-Bop,
Even though you think it doesn't sound like that
(Be-Bop . . . ! That's no Be-Bop!)
FZ: Now, as you might have noticed, some of you with a musical education can tell that the notes that George just sang when he went: "This is Be-Bop, even though you think it doesn't sound like that," it's actually a sort of a twisted form of the theme of the tango itself which will get de . . . even more depraved as the number goes on. George will now attempt to dismember that melody, play it and sing it at the same time while . . .
FZ: Hey, that's the way . . . while we sort of dance to it, okay? Try it, George . . .
Tee-dum-do-do tee-dum-do-do KEEP do-deah
Do-dee-DAH . . .
George: As I was saying . . .
FZ: Now, what we'd like to do at this point is get some volunteers from the audience to . . . I know you will, oh God, you will . . . We need some . . . heh heh heh . . . Now, as a matter of fact you did, didn't you . . . No, we wanna have some people who've never tried it before, who've never even thought of trying it before. A boy, a girl, preferably who like each other, who would like to come up here and attempt to dance to what George sings . . .
FZ: Do we have anybody whose . . . ? You're one. Okay, what's your name?
FZ: Your name is Carl? Please, Carl, step on to the stage . . . Pleased to meet you, Carl
FZ: Alright. Okay? Let's see, uh . . . is there anybody in the, in the back? Well . . . oh-oh, hey! What's your name?
FZ: Rick, and?
FZ: Jane . . . RICK and JANE and CARL! Alright, here's how it works: There's a beat going on like this
Lyrics taken from http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/f/frank_zappa/be_bop_tango_of_the_old_jazzmens_church_lyrics.html